My Aspiration
by Sara.14759
Summary: I've always known, just never realized that when there's no longer a light to shine through the rubble, he's been the light that brightens up the darkness I call a world. He's the only aspiration that I truly have in my life.


**This was just a random one shot that jumped into my thoughts, so I thought that I would share it with you. I can say that it's not all great and all that because I'm just bored and this is what I do, I write terrible stories with no emotion. Why? Because I'm happy when my fingers are dancing across my keyboard.**

**So please, read and enjoy. Review if you'd like, I would love that.**

**I own nothing of the Suite Life Series!**

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**My Aspiration**

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The wind on the ship was burning his already bruised face, stinging sharply. It felt like a prick from a cactus against his cheek, just indenting his skin every second. But when a gale hit, it felt like it tore through his skin. Like the tissue that surfaced and became ragged with force. It was terrible the way that people turned to look at him, their eyes full of pity and sorrow. They just deemed down on him as he let his brother lead him back on board.

He wanted to do anything besides getting back onto this damn ship where everyone would stare him down. The whole ship knew, even passengers that didn't even know his name. They knew that over their stay docked at Boston, he lost all of his dignity. It was whisked away from him instantly and he couldn't do anything about it.

It hurt to walk, the ace bandage wrapped around his knee spreading and pulling, stretching for his knee cap to perform it's movement that his body needed. But he didn't want to walk, he didn't want to breathe frankly. He just wanted to lay down and never wake up, that was all that pounding through his aching head. He was just so tired... of everything.

But there was only one thing, or should I say, one person that kept him from seeing red. Zachary Martin, his brother. If it weren't for Zack's arm around his waist, he wouldn't be standing. Literally. He tried to end his life in the short time that he could, but his brother came to the rescue. Zack was there when no one else was.

And while everyone throws their looks his way, their nervous gestures that proved their complicated thoughts, Zack was the only human being in his life that kept him from throwing up. The tears that he wanted to shed so bad were being held back by his brother's worried eyes that watched his every action, making sure that his leg didn't give out, that the stitches on his side didn't reopen, that the bruise on his cheek didn't start bleeding. That he didn't drop dead right there.

To move, he had to force himself. Because he didn't have any will to move. He just looked away when someone's eyes played upon him in pity, making sure that he didn't look into their orbs of nothingness. Because he didn't want to look into their fake emotions, instead he wanted to just shut the world out. He wanted to curl up in his bed and cry, and cry, and cry. He was depressed, it was made sure of, he knew he was. Once his will to live was gone, so was his overall happiness.

There was no longer a light to shine through the rubble, to brighten up the darkness he called a world.

Maybe he was on his knees, maybe he had given up, but that didn't mean that he had to tell anyone. Why couldn't people just leave him alone and let him die? He wasn't alive, this week only proved it. That disgusting man that anyone dare call a human only showed that he was unable to be loved. Because he was a nerd, because he was weak, because he was little. So he was taken advantage of and the only person to try and save him from his whole world of misery and fear was his loving brother.

That's why he's alive at this moment, because through all of the tear drops, he was able to see his brother's smile. A smile that was full of reassurance and true happiness. Something that he wanted. He wanted to be able to tell himself that everything was going to be okay, that he could be the one to protect and not hurt.

So why was he the one to be hurt, out of everyone else in the world?

What did he do?

What did he do to deserve the obscurity his dad created for him?

_He didn't understand what was going on. Just a few minutes ago he was speaking to his father, then the next he's on the floor. Zack's eyes fall on him in horror, they're wide and fearful. Cody just lays there, groaning and holding his cheek. But he stops in anguish when his dad's heavy body falls on top of his, straddling his waist._

_"Dad, stop it!" Zack screamed but stops when Kirk's hand raises to shut him up._

_Then the fingers wrap around his neck, cutting his air supply off. Cody arched his back, shutting his eyes tightly as he tries to breathe the best he can. His extended mind is so clouded due to the lack of oxygen that he can't think of a way out. So he choked and choked, until he could barely hear his brother's sobs and his vision was becoming a faint white. It was so fuzzy._

_Then just as he was about to slip into a state of carelessness, the pain comes back full blast. He gasped for air, trying to roll over but Kirk's knees squeezed into his hips, bringing him to a yelp. He reached down to try and get his knees off, but he can feel his hip literally bending in from the pressure. But then again, his father backs up just as he is about to finish the job on one subject. _

_Zack's pleads come again, his breath hitched when a fist connects with his side, feeling his skin tear open. His eyes shot open, arching his back off on the floor and screaming to the top of his lungs. He can actually hear his blood seething out of the wound, bubbling and flooding out to stain the carpet. How much longer was he going to endure this?_

_Is daddy going to kill him?_

_He can feel the edge starting to got off though, the world is slowly starting to come out of focus. He knows that he's lost too much blood, and it won't be for long until he's empty and lifeless. _

_He's surprised to feel his father's weight loosening, just enough for him to slip out. So he uses the little of strength that he has to pull out, until his father realizes that he's sitting on Cody's thighs._

_Cody suddenly can't help but feel so vulnerable and lose all sight of hope when he feels his father's hand rest on his knee. For the first time during this sudden outburst of rage, their eyes meet. Then he sobs, because he feels his knee dislocate._

_He banged his head against the floor in pain, shaking his head in a plead for mercy. Zack's sobbing had stopped and he didn't know why until he felt his father being thrown off of him. He looked up, opening his eyes the best he could to see his older brother holding a knife, his eyes completely and utterly broken. He sniffs before getting down on his knees, grabbing his father's phone out of his pocket._

_Kirk is laying on the floor, unconscious to the world with floor spilling from his chest. _

_Dialing 911, Zack pulls Cody into his eyes, shaking his head down at his baby brother's fading eye sight. "Don't die on me yet, Codes, stay awake dammit, don't fail me," he said, listening to the phone when the operator picked up._

_"911, what is your emergency?"_

_Then the world became black, the faint sounds of his brother's hysteria painful to his ears. But he never expected that he would be sitting in this darkness for much longer than his conscious warned him._

**Cody POV**

So why did he do it? Because he was drunk and I told him so. I reminded my father that he was drunk and needed to get some sleep or something bad might happen. Then Kirk proceeded to beat the life out of me. He ruined my life, and every day I wonder if he regrets it. If he ever blames himself for killing me entirely.

Maybe he does, maybe he wishes that he never lost control that night. Because as I ignore the eyes fixed on me with worry and wonder, I realize that what he did is unacceptable. What he did broke me forever because he was my daddy. Was. He will never be called that name anymore. It hurts so much because the husband to my mother was the one to hurt me. He couldn't even control himself because he was drunk.

He doesn't deserve my love, just like I don't deserve to be surrounded by shadows.

I listen to Zack's whispers in my ears, the ones that ask me if I'm still doing okay. He asks me if I still can walk, or if he wants to carry me to our room that we now share. But I just shake my head, because I can do this. I've been demolished and I can't accept that I need help, I just can't. Because I don't want to.

I want to be laughing, I want to be walking and running normally. I don't want a gash in my side that could gush blood at any second, I don't want a menacing mark on my face that reminds me of my weakness. Of my mistakes, my stupidity.

How Zack still smiles is beyond my understandings. He killed his own father, yet he's so happy. Maybe it's because he wasn't the one attacked and he's been reminded that he's lucky. Or maybe it's because he knows that he saved my life. I wonder a lot ever since that day, because I'm always in my thoughts. When it gets quiet, I just think about that day. I ponder on what could have happened if I didn't say anything, or what could have happened if Zack never picked up that knife.

Would someone else have been hurt instead of me?

Would I have been dead?

Maybe I saved lives by sacrificing myself. He wanted to drive home that night, what if I had let him leave? What if he ruined and broke a part a different family that night in an accident?

Either way, he would've scarred someone's life. It's best that it was mine. Because I can be healed, because even if I did die that night then It wouldn't have mattered. I'm no one important, I'm no one special. I only have one boy who loves me.

My dear brother, who I sometimes feel doesn't deserve me.

But he always denies it and tells me that it isn't true, that we both need each other. That he needs me, and I need him. He's accurate, because at this moment I do need him. But I'm only wasting his time. I'm hopeless. I can't even see anything positive other than his smile nowadays. I can't laugh, it hurts. I can't smile, it's fake. I can't do anything that means something.

Then the door opens to our room and I just lay down on the bed, not doing anything else. I don't close my eyes, I don't change my clothes, and I don't speak. I just curl up and hug my knees, trying to hide from the world. Because who wants to be a part of a whole world that doesn't even know who he really is?

But warmth engulfs me and I look up, seeing his shiny eyes beaming down on me. I try to send back the love and cherish in his eyes, but I just can't. Because I have no more emotion in my eyes anymore. I don't have any emotion in my soul.

Sometimes when I feel like I'm about to lose grip on reality, I just into his eyes. They're always so positive, so clear that they just want to be happy and sparkly. It confuses me sometimes how indubitable he can be. In the worse of situations, he can just look deep into his thoughts and bring out the best of him. He looks at the ups and not the downs, something I can't do. I just look into it too much, overall and it only brings out the bad side of me. Because I overreact and worry about every single detail.

In every drawing I see everything tiny, in every plan I see every fault, and in every monstrosity I see the horrid wrong doings.

Nothing's ever beautiful in my sight, because everything has a flaw. But Zack's perfect. I don't see anything but a boy full of ability and skills that is completely untarnished. I've always wanted to be like him, someone spotless and the definition of perfection. But I couldn't, so I just admired my brother and wondered how he could defy the world's rules like he does.

And as I melt into his hold, I can feel the first flutter of hope lift up my heavy heart.

I've always known, just never realized that when there's no longer a light to shine through the rubble, he's been the light that brightens up the darkness I call a world. He's the only aspiration that I truly have in my life.

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**Oh dear, I hope you liked it! It was just a short one shot that I thought I'd enlighten you with. **

**I hope you enjoyed it and review what you thought of it, thank you xx**


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